A Moment too Late
by Lawral
Summary: McGee realizes that he’s missed his chance of telling Kate his true feelings. Written for NFA Secret Santa 2008. Gift for Corinne


A Moment too Late

Author: Lawral

Rating: FR13

Pairings: McGee/Kate

Summary: McGee realizes that he's missed his chance of telling Kate his true feelings.

Spoilers: Twilight & Kill Ari V1&2

Notes: Written for the 2008 Secret Santa. Gift for Corinne.

McGee finished typing up his report on the case they'd just finished and ran it through spell checker before printing it out, putting it in a folder and setting it on Gibbs' desk. He returned to his desk and ran his hands over his face as he groaned. His muscles were sore from the workout it had taken to bring down their latest suspect. The man had no respect for the human race. He'd brutally murdered his wife for no apparent reason other than he wanted out of a seemingly loving relationship.

The image of the scene was embedded in his mind as probably the worst he's come across so far in his career. The man had apparently bedded his wife and then attacked her with a knife from the butcher's block in the kitchen. It had looked as if she'd ran through the entire house in an attempt to break free from him. There was blood in every room of the house, the majority being in the bedroom where he'd first attacked her.

The woman's body flashed in his minds eye. Aside for one thing, the woman lying in the pool of blood was Abby. His breath caught in his chest and his mind went cold. He saw her empty eyes looking up at him and he closed his, forcing the image out of his brain. However, it seemed the image didn't want to leave his head. Behind his closed eyes, he saw Kate's body lying in Abby's place. Her eyes were directed at him and her mouth was open a little. He quickly opened his eyes, yet the vision remained. He shook his head violently and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Something wrong, McGee?"

He looked up and saw Kate sitting down at her desk, a cup of fresh coffee in her hand. She was pulling up her own document for the case report. He felt relieved that the case was over especially now that he was visualizing his female coworkers as the victim. But why had seeing Kate as the victim affected him more? After all it had been Abby that he'd had a relationship with.

"Uh," McGee looked around the top of his desk before returning his eye to her. "Yea, just.. You know, glad that case is over."

"I know what you mean. She didn't deserve to die in such a violent way." Kate said, typing away at her computer.

"Does anyone deserve to die?" McGee asked.

Kate stopped typing and looked toward him for a moment. She only had one answer to that question. "Uh, yeah. The man who killed her."

Kate saw him think about her answer for a moment. The law didn't condone such feelings but after everything that Kate had seen at NCIS and the attempts on the President while working Secret Service had shown her that it really was the answer to some criminals. She returned to her notes and the report she needed to file.

McGee looked over to the empty desk that was Tony's. It had been a long week with it just being the two of them. He'd talked to Tony the night before; he still sounded really sick from the plague but he was insistent that he'd be returning to work soon.

"Damn it, how many times did Ducky say she was stabbed?" Kate asked, riffling through her notes.

McGee again say Kate lying in the middle of a puddle of blood and heard the number of stab wounds echoing in his head. "Thirty-seven."

McGee heard Kate groan and he looked up to see her eyes closed and her head shaking side to side. She sighed heavily, opened her eyes and continued to type up her report. McGee returned his eye to Tony's empty desk. What would he say if he was here? Most likely something rude, obnoxious or sexual. McGee rolled his eyes at the thought.

He heard a noise in the distance of his head. He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on something that wasn't connected to a case. The image of Abby returned to his head, or was it Kate?

Eggs, he thought. I need to pick up some eggs. And Diet Coke, after shave and maybe even some cookies.

He heard the voice in his head again. It was Kate calling his name. He saw her screaming and running through the crime scene calling out his name for help while some faceless man chased her with a knife.

Tuna, light bulbs… ooh, I need some more ribbon for my typewriter.

"Tim."

"Hm?" McGee turned his head. Kate was looking at him expectantly.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah," McGee said, nodding his head.

"Did you hear me?" She asked him. "I was asking, what you had planned for this weekend?"

She returned to her typing. He hadn't been hearing her calling his name for help. She was trying to make conversation while they worked. He hadn't realized how much the case had gotten to him until now.

"Oh, uh, I have to go shopping tonight so I'll have lunch tomorrow. As for this weekend, probably the usual." McGee spoke, matter-of-factly.

Kate smiled to him, urging him to continue. "Which is?"

"Oh uh, just toying around the apartment."

Kate looked at him and smiled. "Writing?"

McGee sighed, "You could have called."

"McGee, I was joking." Kate told him with another smile.

McGee looked at her for a moment. A smile formed on his face, slowly. "I know."

He paused for a moment, watching as she returned to her case report. He opened the drawer and pulled out his weapon and badge. She looked up to him in mild interest. She was putting the last touches to her report and checking for errors before printing it out. McGee grabbed his jacket and keys and said goodnight as Kate gathered her own things.

"Good night."

"Night, McGee." Kate said, smiling to him as he passed.

Half an hour later McGee walked into his apartment with two grocery bags in hand. Being a bachelor was proving to be hell on his system. He'd forced himself to buy more than just cereal and microwave meals. He tossed his weapon and badge on the kitchen counter along with his wallet and keys before returning to the door to close and lock it.

He'd always enjoyed cooking but rarely did so because it was just another reminder that he was single. Cooking for one was truly depressing. He loved his life as it was thus far. He had a job he loved, another he was working on, he had his own apartment and friends whom he considered family. However, coming home to an empty apartment and having no one to share private time with… He chucked to himself thinking of how Tony would make fun of him if he knew how much he wanted companionship at that moment.

He cooked up the small meal of a T-bone steak and some eggs. He took down a single plate and served himself the meal. He grabbed a Diet Cola out of his refrigerator and took it all to his writing desk. He looked to the manuscript he was almost finished with; thinking that he might put the final touches on the first two chapters tonight. He still didn't think he had the character of Special Agent Catherine correct.

He tried to forget about the book while he ate. His thoughts returned to the crime scene and how he'd seen Abby and Kate as the victim after finishing his report. He still hadn't figured out why seeing Kate looking up at him with the empty, cold eyes, had affected him more than seeing Abby as the deceased.

Ok, so Kate was beautiful and intelligent but she treated him like a brother. For God's sake, she'd kicked him in the… Just the thought of it cause him to feel the uncomfortable ache in his groin once more. However, she was also sensitive and sweet. She'd comforted him when Erin had been killed while he desperately tried to get to her. She'd risked her life to stay with Tony during his bout of Plague.

What was she thinking? McGee thought to himself. She could have gotten it too. She could have died.

McGee picked up the cola can and took a drink. She'd stolen one from his kitchen once. When she and Tony had broken into his apartment to pick him up on the way to a crime scene. Yes, he'd been annoyed at their disregard of his private possessions but her smile, he couldn't be mad at her very long with that smile.

Maybe he'd invite her over on Friday. Just two friends having dinner. He forced himself to keep his mind repeating the word friend. Did he really want to just be her friend? It finally smacked him so hard that he dropped his fork back on his plate and sat staring at his reflection in the window. He had somehow fallen in love with Kate. When did that happen? Today had been like any other. They'd harassed each other, she'd made fun of him, he'd bought them both lunch, they'd worked the crime scene together, they'd caught the guy and he'd returned to type up his report. The images returned to his minds eye. Kate as the victim, the Lieutenant standing over her with a bloody knife and a smile on his face.

Tim looked around his apartment. When did he stand up and why was his dinner all over the floor now? His brow was creased and his heart was beating against his ribcage like a bull trying to buck its rider off. He steadied his increased heart rate and breathing and walked into the kitchen to grab a dish towel to clean up the mess he'd made.

He spent the rest of his evening trying to decide whether he should tell her of his revolution or keep it to himself. The cons far outweighed the pros but it would just be another reminder of how everyone saw him: the probie who was never confident and always unsure of himself. By the time he'd crawled into bed that night he'd decided that even changing Kate's outlook of his personality was well worth it; even if she didn't reciprocate his feelings, at least he'd taken the chance no one thought him possible of taking.

~*~*~

McGee followed Tony out of the elevator and they made their way to Gibbs. Tony was talking, saying something about the spent shells they'd found on the rooftop where they'd found Ari's sniper nest. He heard words coming from his own mouth but somehow they didn't register in his mind. He could only hope that he was making sense. Gibbs had gone to stare out the window and he finally heard Tony speaking of Kate.

"Didn't you see Kate?"

The words echoed in his mind. He'd still been hiding behind the shield of the car when Tony had called over the edge that they'd got the guy who was shooting at him and that Kate was down: a bullet to the head. McGee looked up to Tony as if he hadn't heard correctly. He barely registered Tony's command to call for help. He backed into the car trunk and sat against the frame and stared at the ground in shock. He was glad the car was there, holding up his weight as his legs suddenly felt like jelly.

She was dead? But how? Why? The questions started to collide inside his head as he dug into his pocket and fished out his cell phone. He called Autopsy and vaguely remembered telling Ducky that Kate had been shot. He called Abby and told her the news he didn't want to believe. Her best friend, and the woman he realized he loved, was dead. Hearing her tears and denial over the phone had been the hardest part and he had to school his own voice from wavering.

"I didn't want to." McGee answered softly.

It was the truth. He couldn't look at her knowing what he felt and what he'd never have. He'd never be able to tell her now; never know if she'd thought of him as more than just a team mate. He had to act natural but reminded himself that grieving was natural. They'd lost an agent, a co-worker… a friend. He was allowed to publicly grieve.

He pleaded with Tony when he started yelling at him, venting his own guilt and grief. He could only imagine that he'd asked another stupid question as his mouth continued to work on its own without his realizing it. He wanted to go home. Wanted to crawl back in bed and it be 36 hours before when he'd made up his mind he was going to tell her of his new found affections.

He watched as Gibbs tried to talk himself through the events that had cost them the wonderful person that was Kate. He tried to concentrate on the case; he would have plenty of time to kick himself over the lost opportunity of speaking the truth to her. Concentrating was the key to working the case of finding Ari and bringing him down.

"Ari had a thing for Kate." McGee remembered and stepped forward to explain to Gibbs.

A slight argument between himself and Tony followed the information and he suddenly felt a smack to the back of his head. He turned to face Tony with a look of fury in his eyes as Gibbs scolded Tony without even turning. Gibbs was investigating the controller that sat on McGee's desk. He'd been in a battle for his own life and the controller had taken the fall.

"Why didn't he pop McGee?" Tony asked.

McGee sighed and turned slightly. "Gee thanks."

"All I'm saying is you're a sizable target, the controller isn't." Tony said, his anger at himself shining through his statement.

"You trying to say I'm fat?"

Tony was angry with himself, angry at Ari and taking it out on his only outlet: McGee. Everyone dealt with grief differently but McGee had no idea why he was being the brunt of Tony's anger.

"He didn't have an angle on Tim." Gibbs said, still looking at the controller.

"You owe that shooter from the warehouse a thank you. Saved your life." Tony told him bitterly.

McGee could only think of what was obviously going through Tony's mind at the same time. Why hadn't it been himself that had died? It hadn't been for a lack of trying. If the shooter hadn't caused him to duck for cover, he would have most likely been the one in Kate's place down in Autopsy. He could only think to himself that had he had the option of taking her place, he would take it. If it meant that she was alive and well, her beauty and self assurance remained in the world, what was one more dead computer geek? The world would survive without McGee; in his mind, Earth was now cheated out of the woman who brightened up any room with just her presence.

McGee sat, a few hours later, at Abby's desk. The entire investigation was as if he was watching it from above the scene. Tony had finally stopped being mean to Tim and was now trying his best to piss off Gibbs. Gibbs was being nice to everyone in sight and hadn't smacked anyone, as of yet. Abby was upset but still smiling. Tim looked into the ballistics lab where Abby was testing the different types of .308 models, trying to find a match to the one that was used by Ari. After the shooting attempt on Abby, Gibbs wasn't leaving her alone. Thus, the reason why McGee was sitting at her desk, listening to her blaring music and staring off into space.

"You were my sweet superhero, Kate." He said aloud.

Suddenly she was in front of him, standing on Abby's desk and looking at him playfully. "You're a naughty boy, Timmy."

She was decked out in black leather. "Oh my God, I'm becoming Tony."

She jumped off the desk and landed with even less clothes one. She had a whip in her hand and McGee couldn't take his eyes off the hallucination. He'd dreamed of seeing her that way since he realized that he loved her. "Oh wow."

His sultry fantasy was interrupted when Abby spoke and he stumbled over his words looking for an explanation without telling her what he'd just seen. That picture was only for his eyes and would have to last him the rest of his breathing life.

It seemed his tasks on the investigation were never ending, which he preferred since it gave him the goal of finding Kate's killer and making sure he had a hand in avenging her passing. He'd assisted Abby in taking apart most of the backseat of the car to find the bullets and to see if the .308 that killed the controller might have ricochet into the car. Now he was researching sales on the Bravo 51.

He looked around the dark, empty squad room as he finished the search and printed out the pages Gibbs had wanted. There was no more hiding from his mind. He opened a drawer to get a folder for the information in his hand and looked down somberly. There she was again. This time, there was no leather, no sparkle in her eye as she looked up to him. The putty on her forehead didn't blend very well with her skin tone and he could still make out where the bullet had pierced her head.

"Why haven't you come down to see me? If you don't peek at the back of my head, it'll just be like I'm asleep." She sighed. "I'm so lonely."

He was interrupted again by Abby. She'd found the car that had left from the warehouse with Ari inside. He was frustrated that it was all in stills instead of video.

"Why are you so excited?"

"I don't know, maybe it's being alone with you on a rainy night." Abby had countered.

How was he suppose to respond to that? He knew that Abby still enjoyed their flirtatious banter even though it no longer went any further than that. How could he tell her that he didn't feel comfortable flirting with her when he liked someone else? He felt a little monster in his head telling him that it no longer mattered; Kate was gone forever, as if he needed the reminder.

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around Abby after she zoomed into the license plate of the car leaving the crime scene. She hugged him from behind as he put out the BOLO and they celebrated one more step to catching Ari. However, everything changed when Gibbs and the new director arrived back with a dead body of a young man. He had been in possession of the weapon Abby confirmed had been used to kill Kate.

The director released them when it was believed that Ari was not the killer. They were being loaned a plane so they could all attend Kate's funeral in Indiana. After tomorrow he'd never see her again. Just the thought that she'd be in a casket six feet under ground made tears threatened to fall over Tim's cheeks. Tonight was his last chance to see her and tell her how he felt.

He left the squad room with the intention of going home for the night but instead his feet lead him into Autopsy and he opened the body drawer where Kate was laying. How did Ducky talk to corpses? She looked like Kate but she was so white. He took a breath and looked up as he heard Tony speaking to Kate instead.

"Took a lot of guts to come down her alone."

McGee chuckled to himself but continued on his quest to tell her his feelings. With Tony standing there, on the opposite side of Kate and looking at her, Tim decided to tell her but in a muted fashion. He wasn't really one to believe in life after death but he hoped that Kate could hear him talking to her… where ever she was.

"I really liked you, Kate. A lot." He and Tony covered Kate up and pushed her drawer closed once more. Nothing had been harder than to swallow the lump in his throat and walk away from her one last time. His feelings had made themselves known a moment too late.


End file.
